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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29254494">Stay With Me, 'Til the Toast Hits the Floor</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_god_not_again/pseuds/oh_god_not_again'>oh_god_not_again</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Black Books (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>But mostly porn, Canon Typical Crack, Gratuitous Canon References, M/M, Pillow Talk, Porn with Feelings, and things only get dirtier :), bernard black bottom rights, bernard's flat is filthy, references to other characters - Freeform, why would anyone beta this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:07:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,714</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29254494</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_god_not_again/pseuds/oh_god_not_again</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Instead of going out, Manny and Bernard try something... new.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Manny Bianco/Bernard Black</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Stay With Me, 'Til the Toast Hits the Floor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Set at an unspecified time, probably around s1/2. I haven't finished the show yet, so apologies for any inaccuracies. I wrote this for fun and to laugh at the terrible, terrible ways I could reference canon in relation to sex. So, enjoy? CWs in the end notes.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a quiet day in the shop; nothing much to report, as always. Just the way Bernard liked it. That was, until evening came around and Manny breezed in from upstairs, wearing a characteristic Hawaiian shirt and a particularly low-cut vest.</p><p>He was fresh out of the bath; Bernard could tell by how there were still some water droplets remaining in that scruffy, sexy thing he called a beard and the way his hair wafted in the shop’s permanent draught. Not that Bernard would ever say that, of course. He much preferred to make fun of him and keep up that cold air of his, or at least he told himself that when he couldn’t think of what to do with his hands. Truth be told though, the longer Manny stood there in that fresh linen, the sooner he wished he’d rip it off.</p><p>‘I was thinking we could go out tonight.’ Manny’s voice cut right through his spiraling thoughts like alka–selka ... alka-sexy... like fizzy-good-feel-nice to a long-suffered hangover. He willed his mouth to play it cool. Wait, who was he kidding? He always played it cool.</p><p>‘Errrgh– well, y’know, I don’ really like to go… <em>out</em> s’much man….’ He shrugged his shoulders and leant against the back of his chair. The other man caught his eye unexpectedly, the wisdom of a thousand little pages of calm boring deep into his soul, ‘–what with the– the cigs… and the booze and the bees for company…’ Wow. What he wouldn’t give to do the booze and the bees with Manny right now…</p><p>‘Oh, so you don’t want to go out?’ Manny said, dewy brows pinched in contemplation. It was as if he were a 1970s flying squad copper about to hunt down a criminal on the run. If things only continued like this, Bernard was more than happy to be nailed like one… All of a sudden a sly smile broke across Manny’s lips. ‘Are you saying what I think you’re saying?’</p><p>Despite the alcohol in his system, the answer couldn’t be clearer in his mind. Something had been growing in Bernard since he’d hired Manny, a certain fondness for the wild-maned man that he hadn’t quite been able to place. Hell, maybe this connection of theirs was the reason he’d agreed to take him on to begin with, after years of running the shop alone– to be quite honest, he didn’t give a sod if the accounts went to shit. Well, so long as he didn’t go to prison; he wasn’t so sure how he’d fare after his last encounter with Gus… Regardless, just by being around, Manny <em>did</em> things to him. And god, did Bernard want him to do more.</p><p>‘Yes, god yes.’</p><p>That was all it took before Manny was all over him, like jam on the ceiling. Bernard found himself pinned to the jumbled desk, odd bits of paper, books and cigarette butts pushed hastily to the floor.</p><p>‘Wait-wait-wait–’ Bernard flustered. Manny removed his hands slightly from Bernard’s shoulders and torso, where he’d already pushed off his jacket and had just been about to travel downwards to remove his belt. Bernard’s mind instantly flashed back to when they had that… infestation. The way Manny had moved that whip–</p><p>‘Do you not want to do this anymore?’</p><p>‘No, no!’ he exclaimed, ‘I do! It’s just– I’d better call off Fran for tonight–’</p><p>‘I wouldn’t worry about her– it’s the shipping forecast,’ he remarked.</p><p>‘I thought that only lasted a few minutes?’</p><p>‘It’s like the Archers– they do an omnibus on Sundays,’ Manny said, then knitted his brows. ‘At least, that’s what she told me… Anyway,’ he turned his hawkish gaze back to Bernard, ‘where were we?’</p><p>This time there were no interruptions, the permanently-closed sign working exactly as intended. They did it on every conceivable surface; on ladders, against bookshelves, in the front entrance; at one point they even did a full round of the kitchen. Manny was like an animal in heat– and not the kind that gave you – what was it called? Blane syndrome? Blake syndrome? Whatever, this was better.</p><p>They were in the midst of passion and by the climax of the action, much like a threesome of skinheads in the moonlight, could barely tell their heads from their arses. Suddenly, it just slipped out of him.</p><p>‘It’s you! It’s always been you!’ Bernard exclaimed as Manny shagged him from behind. He’d been mildly pleased with himself at how quickly he’d located rubbers and the right lube among the mess of their apartment; nobody could say he didn’t have skills where they counted. Manny braced his arm against the bookshelf they were up against as they went at it, neither of them caring a whit about the copies of <em>Tanks! Tempocalypse</em> and numerous other shocking titles beginning with the letter T which fell down from them rocking against the unit so hard.</p><p>‘Isn’t that from <em>Jerry Maguire</em>?’ Manny asked suddenly, breathing hard.</p><p>‘I thought it was Wilde?’ Bernard gasped in reply, his knuckles whitening around a bookshelf as he opened up, metaphorically and physically, to the feeling of Manny absolutely railing him. ‘W-whatever,’ he murmured, ‘it’s all the same stuff anyway… Just don’t– don’t stop.’ Manny ran his free hand down Bernard’s back and did as his boss told him. For once, he had absolutely no qualms about doing what he’d been asked.</p><p>After countless more rounds of throwing themselves at one another – Bernard sat up on cluttered countertops as they kissed and Manny pressed into every grimy corner of the apartment, each wall rubbed slightly dirtier by the searching hands which pinned them both there – they eventually, <em>eventually</em> collapsed onto Bernard’s bed.</p><p>Exhausted and utterly spent, they lay back on the mattress and stared up at the ceiling and the numerous items stuck to it. Manny’s eyes were particularly drawn to a half-stuck slice of Hovis Toastie dangling directly above Bernard’s head.</p><p>‘What’s keeping that up there?’ he asked.</p><p>‘Ancient Marmite and sheer willpower.’</p><p>Bernard sighed as he reached for two cigarettes from the battered pack left out on his bedside table. Alright, the carton was half-embedded in a pile of paired socks. Still, they served their purpose. He grimaced as he lit first his, then Manny’s. It was almost sunrise; before long it would be against his honour to be awake at all.</p><p>He pouted. ‘Y’know, I made an oath to myself that I’d move the night that thing fell on me.’</p><p>‘What? No, you can’t say that! It could fall at any moment!’ Bernard fought down a smile, but it was too hard to hide how charmed he really was by Manny’s… Manniness. He reached across and pressed a hand to the other man’s chest, absentmindedly combing through the hair there with his fingers.</p><p>‘Relax, alright? It’s been here as long as I have. Neither of us are goin’ anywhere,’ he smiled upwardly. After taking a last drag, he stubbed what was left of his cigarette on his headboard and flicked the end aside. Manny wasn’t quite done with his yet, so Bernard rolled over and curled up to him while he waited for him to finish.</p><p>‘What were you sayin’ earlier, about… oh, what was it?’ he spoke into the sheets, head falling to the side as he racked his brain. ‘Gerry? Maggie? Gerry and Maggie?’</p><p>‘Jerry Maguire,’ Manny laughed, ‘It’s a film.’</p><p>‘Right– right– that’s the one, yeah.’ Bernard paused. ‘I haven’t seen it.’</p><p>‘Well <em>that</em> doesn’t surprise me. We can watch it together.’</p><p>‘What?’ Bernard lifted his head to scowl at him, but Manny was busy discarding of his cigarette end.</p><p>‘You’ll need someone around to make sure you’re not just staring at a blank screen or something,’ he said breezily.</p><p>Bernard considered saying something snarky back, but suddenly felt his head getting heavy. He let it drop back down onto Manny’s chest. ‘Sure,’ he hummed.</p><p>Almost immediately, he got the distinct feeling that there was a smile playing on Manny’s lips. Loath to admit it as he was, Bernard couldn’t quite muster the energy to tell him to wipe it off.</p><p>*</p><p>Bernard didn’t remember falling asleep, but when he awoke he was alone. Turning over, he felt something flat and crinkly against his face. Fumbling upwards with half-asleep hands, his fingers found a piece of paper taped to his forehead. A note, from Manny. What was it about Manny and leaving notes everywhere? He almost expected a telegram to arrive in a minute. At least this one was shorter than the last.</p><p><em>Decided to open up shop.</em><br/>
<em>Bacon sandwich for you in the oven (brown sauce should have thawed by now).</em><br/>
<em>See you out front :)</em></p><p>
  <em>-Manny x</em>
</p><p>Bernard scrunched his nose up at the thought of being expected at <em>work</em>, lax as the conditions for him to turn up actually were. Soon however, he was following that very appendage as he noticed the smell of bacon, drifting into the room from downstairs. Hastily he cobbled together an outfit from the clothes strewn about the apartment and stumbled into the bathroom to give his teeth a quick brush and his hair a quick comb-over. Begrudgingly, he waited for water to come out of the showerhead attachment shoddily attached to the sink so that he could freshen up and head to the kitchen; he was bloody starving.</p><p>The sandwich was great; the bacon not too curled – though in all honesty, that requirement was something Bernard had rather played up to enjoy a bit more of Manny’s attention in the mornings. Exhaling contentedly, he set about finishing the coffee accompanying his third morning cigarette, when his mind rolled back to the night before.</p><p>Without a second thought, he rifled through a kitchen draw for supplies, dashed back up the stairs and climbed up onto his bed in his shoes. Then, as any sane man would do, he reached up to grab the half of the marmite-voodoo-toast hanging off the ceiling and superglued it back into place. Satisfied, he sauntered back downstairs and met Manny in the shop, grabbing a decent bottle of wine for them both on the way for good measure.</p><p>He may have come from a long line of quitters, but he certainly wasn’t giving up on all this <em>that</em> easily.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CWs: Drinking alcohol; smoking; one body part mentioned in passing but nothing explicit; there is a mention of penetration between, 'Isn't that Jerry Maguire?' and 'After countless more rounds...'</p><p>Later that day<br/>Manny: How do you think we lasted so long?<br/>Bernard: Hm? What do you mean?<br/>Manny: You know, with the sex and everything?<br/>Bernard: Oh, I don’t know. I always assumed it was just some… fiction thing to make romance books less unbearable.<br/>Manny: Hm. *nods sagely* Yeah, I think it is.</p><p>Thanks for reading! Now to get back on my TUA bullshit &gt;:)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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